


At 2am

by dreamsheartstory



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 08:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2262588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsheartstory/pseuds/dreamsheartstory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ramblings of a delirious sleep deprived Jemma post season 1 finale.</p><p>For Skimmons Week Day 6 : Vulnerability</p>
            </blockquote>





	At 2am

This is not what I had been trained for. I hadn’t trained for missions or field work. I was a biochemist, I belonged in a lab. I was good in a lab. I wasn’t good in the field. I’m bad at lying, and I’m bad with people. I keep them at arms length or I let them get too close. I say too much, but mostly I don’t say what needs to be said.

The team was too close, Ward had betrayed us. I trusted him. He jumped out of a plane to save me, risked his life, and all the time it was some elaborate ruse to make me trust him. Make _us_ trust him. And Fitz, being close with him, I had grown used to that. We were twice as smart together, it was exhilarating. It was what we did. But Skye was an anomaly. I couldn’t account for my feelings with her.

Being close to people made me vulnerable. I would do stupid things, lose sight of my scientific objectivity. I jumped out of a plane to save them.

I. Me. I jumped out of a plane.

I could barely look out of the windows on the bus.

Vulnerable. It made me do crazy things.

It’s the middle of the night and I’m standing outside her door, but I can’t knock on it. What could I possibly say? My head is resting on the cool metal of the door panel. Maybe it will clear my senses. Knock some sense into me, get my feet to move and take me back to my bed. But alone, even curled up tight in blankets I am vulnerable. I cannot stop the dam breaking.

Skye had feelings for Ward. She’s been broken. Vulnerable. We’re all vulnerable. We are trapped down here hiding out from Hydra. There is no reason for me to be outside her door at 2am, but this is where my feet took me. We’re friends, I don’t know if it will ever be more than that. I cannot tell if she is the kind of person who– it’s killing me not to know. I’m afraid to know the answer.

I’m crying now. Crying for Fitz and how everything has changed. It was never supposed to be like this. For Ward because he was such a beautiful liar and no one saw it. We let it blindside us. For the girl on the other side of this door who is probably asleep and will never know this is the third night in a row I have stood outside her door and cried.

The door slid open and I stumbled forward into Skye’s arms.

“Were you ever planning on knocking?” She lifts my chin with a finger and brushes away a tear.

“I’m sorry, I should–“

“You should what? go? You’ve stayed outside my door for three nights now. You’re not going anywhere.”

Her arms were around me, holding me together. Both of us are shaking and crying. The room is dark, the door shut. Skye walks us backwards to her bed. Neither of us sleep in very much and I can feel the heat of her skin against mine. She starts to pull us down onto the mattress and for a moment I freeze. She pulls me down with her and I let her. I don’t know if I can do this. Sleep next to her, just sleep. Because if that’s all we do I’ll never sleep again, not with the feel of her against me and I could never risk losing her. Not like with Fitz. I’m afraid we’ve broken something we had. And I haven’t been able to talk to him to fix it. Caring for people, loving them just leaves you vulnerable.

This is not what I’m good at. I try to pull away, but Skye pulls me closer to her. I can feel her breath on my ear, her tears mixing with mine. She presses her lips against my ear. For a moment I stop breathing as she continues to kiss a line of fire down my jaw. She hooks a leg over mine, pulling me closer.

“Don’t leave me,” she whispers.

I shake my head, afraid of my voice, of what might come tumbling out of my mouth. It’s 2am and I haven’t slept in a week. In the dark, I find her lips with mine. It’s the only thing that makes sense. If I’m going to be vulnerable I might as well be through and through.

 


End file.
